by Judy Handley | Sep 13, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 32: Taking Care of Business
Date: Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Weather: Clear and Windy; High 79 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
The Weather Underground tells me it was 79 degrees here today, but it felt much cooler. In fact, it actually felt like the first day of fall. But if today felt cool, the forecast for Thursday is ten degrees cooler. It will be interesting to see how that feels, but I think summer is quickly turning into fall.
Today was a day of taking care of business. But before meeting with a representative at the funeral home, I spent time down on the dock with Ziggy, Coco, and Ollie. Ollie opted out of school today to play with the cousins. We goal this morning was to cut up raw chicken, tie it to the end of a string, and put it in the water in an attempt to try and catch crabs. Unfortunately, we only saw one crab. So we turned our attention to catching “teeny weiners”—Ziggy’s name for Ctenafores (silent ‘c’), more commonly called comb jellies. These are tiny jelly fish with no tentacles and no sting. They move slowly through the water and are easy to catch. So the kids caught a bunch, put them in a bucket, and then released them “in the wild” in their terms. Then they started over and did this again. Coco does all of this wearing her fanciest “girl” clothes which is entertaining to watch in itself. Coco and Ollie are just so “four”—too cute for words. They could be catching air and be just as happy. But Ziggy is much more serious in his attempts to capture and study wildlife. But whatever stage they are in, it is a delight to be with them.
After my dock time with the grandchildren, Heather and I headed to the funeral home to make arrangements for Mark’s cremation. Mark and I had discussed this at length and he wanted the simplest possible arrangements. But you just don’t know how you are going to react to things until you are in the moment. We always discussed a simple pine box to be the required container. But these days they offer a much cheaper cardboard box. I really flinched at that notion. All I could think is “just don’t put me in a cardboard box”, so we went with the more expensive pine box. I make fun, but the entire experience was much more difficult than I imagined. But it was short and to the point, so we were soon on way back to the apartment. When we returned we dealt with Jo’s very irritated eye. Not too long ago she had a serious problem with the same eye. Earlier she had walked down to the closest eye doctor’s office and was told that the beginning fee for just looking at the eye would be $300 to $350 dollars. Yikes! So I recommended that we call my eye doctor. They had an opening in the afternoon and their fee was much more reasonable. Thankfully when she finally got to meet the doctor, she found out that the problem was much less serious than anticipated.
Heather and I had taken all three children to their house in the early afternoon to play leaving Justin at the apartment to do some work and Jo to go to the doctor. Just before we left, Heather got a call from Jed saying that Jonah was having a tough time at school because he was very sad about Granddad. So Jed had picked him up and brought him home. Jonah appears to be Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky, but his feelings run much deeper than you would expect. He is going to be fine, but it is just going to take a few days to adjust to the absence of Granddad for all of us. Heather and I spent the afternoon contacting insurance folks and dealing with other financial issues. Justin and Jo came to have dinner with us and then we all went to the corner ice cream shoppe to have an ice cream in honor of Granddad. He loved ice cream, so the kids thought this was a great way to pay tribute. Mark would have loved this.
Justin has been feeling bad since they arrived, but he crashed tonight. He obviously has a fever and was chilling terribly. Coco has been sick for the past couple of days with a temperature, so Justin must have whatever Coco has had. Tomorrow is Justin’s birthday, so I sure hope he is feeling better by morning.
I continue to be amazed by the beautiful comments I read on Facebook about Mark. Work colleagues and friends from all over have posted the most beautiful tributes. And I have received so many emails from friends and family. I haven’t had a second to respond, so I sure hope everyone understands. I’m hoping tomorrow will be a bit of a slower day with time to write back to people. I need that back and forth connection with family and friends as part of the healing process.
by Judy Handley | Sep 12, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 31: Celebrating Life with Family
Date: Monday, September 12, 2016
Weather: Clear; High 73 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
It was a beautiful day for celebrating Mark’s life. Heather and Jed arrived here this morning with Sam, Jonah, and Oliver. We spent the day celebrating Mark’s years on the water together by inflating our kayak and taking turns paddling around the harbor. I was surrounded all day by my children, their spouses, and my beautiful grandchildren. It was a good day.
Tomorrow we will take care of the contacts that need to be made. Because we were busy having a good time today, I didn’t check my email until after we all had dinner together. I was absolutely blown away by all of the messages about Mark on Facebook and in emails. If you are one of the people who sent those beautiful messages, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. The kind words about Mark were overwhelming. He was a very special person who is going to be missed by many. But as grateful as I am, I am going to have to continue this ‘conversation’ tomorrow evening. I am just too tired to write tonight. So stay tuned until tomorrow night for this continued thank you. Hugs to all of you.
by Judy Handley | Sep 11, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 30: What a Wonderful Life
Date: Sunday, September 11, 2016
Weather: Clear; High 75 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
What a wonderful life. Mark Daniel Handley was born on July 7, 1942 and tonight, September 11, 2016, he left us. Heather, Justin, and I spent our day with Mark and met with a fantastic Hospice representative. His name was Will and he was so informative and reassuring. On his recommendation we all gave Mark our permission to opt out of his long-standing battle with cancer. And also on his recommendation, Heather and Justin brought the grandchildren to see Granddad. There were some beautiful moments even though Granddad was not very responsive. Heather stayed with Mark while I went to have dinner at her house. When I returned Heather reported that Mark had been doing a bit of a travel through time blurting out periodically something like, “Get that boat part.” He was a sailor to the end. I insisted that Heather and Justin go home with their families for the night. None of us thought he was close to the end. But sometime after 9 pm, his breathing changed and he wanted to hold both my hands. I practically sat on him in that tiny hospital bed for the next half-hour, telling him how much I love him and reminding him of how lucky I was to accompany him on his life’s adventures. Mark was a man of dreams and he made those dreams come true. Lucky me that I got to tag along. A part of me is gone forever, but I will rebuild with what is left. Mark was my lover, my friend, and my partner in life for almost 44 years, minus seven days. We met on September 18, 1972. Four has always been my lucky number and these 44 years have been spectacular. Mark left behind so many wonderful memories as well as two very special children and their equally special spouses, and five fantastic grandchildren—The Fab Five. It really was a wonderful life. Thank you, Mark Handley. I will be with you forever.
by Judy Handley | Sep 10, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 29: Getting to Know Falmouth Hospital
Date: Saturday, September 10, 2016
Weather: Hazy, Foggy Morning, Partly Sunny Afternoon; High 83 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
We got another opportunity today to get to know the Falmouth Hospital just a little bit better. It was obvious last night that Mark’s energy level was rock bottom. He managed a big smile when Justin, Jo, Ziggy, and Coco arrived, and another moment of joy when Ollie showed him the book Aunt Patsy gave him called, “The Frog Who Lost His Underpants.” Ollie thought the title was hilarious and wanted to share that with Granddad. Special moments.
But this morning Mark could hardly get out of bed and I had to use the new wheelchair to get him to the bathroom and then to the kitchen table where he could only eat half of his “first” breakfast. He immediately went back to bed and didn’t get up until early afternoon when the visiting nurse came to check on him. I knew when he didn’t get up to say farewells to Patsy and Joe that things were serious. By the time the visiting nurse arrived, I was at the airport in Boston saying farewell to Patsy and Joe.
Heather stayed with her dad in my absence, so it was Heather that talked with the visiting nurse. At some point Justin came to be with Heather and the decision was made to have Mark go to the Emergency Room at Falmouth Hospital. The visiting nurse determined he was very dehydrated and she felt his electrolytes were out of balance. I had requested that he not be admitted to the hospital unless absolutely necessary, but the doctor on call at the oncology center felt it was really necessary to make Mark comfortable and warned that it would probably be a one or two night stay. . . and that is what the doctor in the ER determined upon examination. Arrangements were made for us to meet with a team at the hospital that sets up home care in these situations and that will happen in the morning. Heather and Justin stayed with Mark until I got home from Boston and then I took over. My greatest hope at this point is that Mark will rally a bit after this stint in the hospital and be able to enjoy the visit with Justin and family. In the meantime, Ziggy and Coco are enjoying their visit with the Goldpebbles. We’ll just have to take this hour by hour, day by day.
Patsy and Joe arrived back in Nashville safe and sound. Both Mark and I enjoyed their visit so very much. Patsy and Joe have always been two of Mark’s favorite people and it meant a lot to him to have them come. My favorite photo from the week is when we went down to the beach. Patsy sat down beside Mark. He put his arm around her and she leaned on his shoulder. Another very special moment.
by Judy Handley | Sep 9, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 28: Justin, Jo, Ziggy, and Coco Arrive
Date: Friday, September 9, 2016
Weather: Hazy Morning, Beautiful Afternoon; High 88 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
The definite highlight of today was the late evening arrival of Justin, Jo, Ziggy, and Coco. Their flight was delayed by an hour, but they still arrived here around 6:30 pm. Heather and boys were here and the fabulous five grandchildren were just so excited to see each other again. There were squeals of delight and lots of laughter, and we just let them run wild for a bit when they first arrived. Unfortunately Mark was not able to fully enjoy the reunion. This has been a very tough day for him. Two days ago if you had told me that Mark’s condition would deteriorate this much in 48 hours I wouldn’t have believed you. But it has and for the first time in my life, I’m not really sure what steps to take next. Thankfully I will have help from Justin and Heather at this very difficult time. And maybe this decline is temporary, possibly caused by yesterday’s infusion. We’ll just have to see how things are tomorrow. But most definitely I will be calling his oncologist to get advice, as well as calling the visiting nurse that comes once a week. I have always been a take charge person, but I’m finding it more difficult to do this with Mark. But I am so glad he had this last week with Patsy and Joe and I’m hoping against hope that he can rally to enjoy the visit with JJZ&C. The travel chair arrived today from Amazon and the foot rests for the full-fledged wheel chair arrived. I’m so hopeful Mark will enjoy some walks down to the beach to enjoy this glorious weather and salt air. But if things continue like today, he would not have the strength to endure it.
Despite Mark’s condition, we managed to have a good day. After Mark had eaten his second breakfast and was settled into the recliner for a long afternoon nap, Patsy, Joe, and I decided to drive to Woods Hole as we soon after they arrived, but this time we planned to stop along the way to get some photos. When we went the first time, it was overcast and rainy, but this afternoon was beautiful. We stopped at a place called Trunk River to get ocean photos and then we drove on down the road to the Nobska Light. This is a very picturesque lighthouse that has been a working light since the 1800’s. From there we drove to Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution’s (WHOI’s) Exhibit Center. Patsy and Joe really seemed to enjoy the exhibits and learning about Alvin, WHOI’s underwater research vessel. Patsy was more nervous about leaving Mark than I was, so we ended our tour and headed home. When everyone arrived, we had a great dinner together here at our apartment. Heather grilled the Pacific king salmon and it was delicious. We also had local corn-on-the-cob and Ziggy ate and ate and ate. He loves it so much but they can’t get good corn in Puerto Rico. Justin promised him we’ll have corn-on-the-cob every night this week, so we have that part of the evening meals planned well in advance!
Tomorrow morning either Heather or Justin will come here to be with Mark while I take Patsy and Joe to the airport for their flight back to Nashville. We have had a wonderful visit with them. Of course, it is ending too soon, but no matter how long they stayed, I would feel the same way. Sure wish they lived closer.
by Judy Handley | Sep 8, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 27: Unexpected Trip to the Hospital
Date: Thursday, September 8, 2016
Weather: Rainy Morning, Partly Cloudy Afternoon; High 78 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
I just got yesterday’s log posted, only 24 hours late. Even though yesterday was an easy day, my sister and I talked into the night. By the time I sat down to write my log, I kept falling asleep. I thought I’d have time this morning to get the log sent, but today didn’t go quite as expected. Mark had a 9:45 am infusion and he woke up feeling just awful. He couldn’t walk without assistance, so all energy went into getting him to the oncology center. The doctor and nurses there were as concerned as I was about Mark’s condition. His weight was up by about ten pounds and it is obvious my just looking at him that he hasn’t gained that much in one week. Fluid accumulation was the obvious answer. Upon examination, Dr. Aviles felt that Mark had a lot of fluid in the abdominal cavity and definitely some around the lungs, but since all vital signs and blood work were normal, he recommended going ahead with the infusion and then heading straight to the hospital to have the fluid removed. So we did just that. When we arrived at the hospital Mark had to have more blood work done and then a nurse came to get us to take us to a room where the fluid would be removed. An ultra-sound machine was rolled in and a technician examined the abdominal cavity and found where she thought the best place would be to remove fluid. But when the doctor came in to repeat that examination, he said he could find only two little pockets of liquid—not enough to make the procedure worth it. He then examined the area around the lungs and did find fluid there. But we needed a different specialist, a pulmonary doctor, to remove that fluid. A pulmonary specialist was called and about 1.3 liters of fluid were removed. This procedure is called a thoracentesis. Mark had one done the end of July at Mass General when a little less than a liter of fluid was removed. The hope in doing this is that it will relieve some of the pain caused by the weight of the fluid. He felt somewhat better immediately, but we’ll see how he feels tomorrow. The nurse in the procedure room was Danielle and as we talked she said to Mark that he looked so familiar. When we found out she, her husband, and two children had lived aboard a catamaran for a couple of years, Danielle realized she knew Mark from West Marine. They bonded immediately and even hugged when Mark left the hospital. What is that instant bond that cruisers have? It is amazing.
Tomorrow Justin, Jo, Ziggy, and Coco arrive from Puerto Rico. I was going to drive to Boston to pick them up, but due to Mark’s condition, I really don’t feel comfortable leaving him. So today I made arrangements for someone to pick them up. They should arrive here in time for dinner with Patsy and Joe. Then on Saturday morning, I will leave Mark with Justin and Heather while I take Patsy and Joe to Boston to get their flight home to Nashville. I can’t believe they have been here almost a week. We’ve barely made a dent in all of the things we wanted to do. Patsy and I did get to go on a short shopping excursion late this afternoon after Mark and I got home from the hospital, but I’m not sure we are going to make it to Martha’s Vineyard. Joe really wanted to take the ferry over, but that is probably not in the stars for this visit.
Tonight we had a Mexican feast thanks to Patsy and Joe. We ordered take-out from a Mexican restaurant that is not very far from here and the food was really good. Thank you, Patsy and Joe, for providing dinner. And our new neighbor in the apartment next door brought over freshly baked banana bread for dessert. I REALLY enjoyed a cook-free evening.
We got an email from Windbird’s new owner this evening reporting on his first sail. Sam is visiting Windbird this week without his wife Dawn, but a friend came to join him on the first sail. It makes us so happy to hear from Sam and to know that Windbird is out there sailing again. And Sam, don’t worry about the unintentional jibes. Windbird has survived more than few of those!
Last note . . . here’s one of Joe’s photos of the view from our deck. We are no longer on a boat, but we are really enjoying the harbor views.
