by Judy Handley | Sep 26, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 45: Chiropractor to Presidential Debate
Date: Monday, September 26, 2016
Weather: Sunny and Cool; High 68 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
My day started with a routine visit to the chiropractor . . . then clothes shopping for myself and for Heather for her upcoming birthday . . . on to the bank to straighten out accounts . . . oil change for the car . . . back home to deal with online banking and billpay changes . . . to Heather’s to play games with Ollie while the rest of the family was gone to Scouts . . . and finally, home to watch the debate. Tired. Time for bed.
by Judy Handley | Sep 25, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 44: Taking Care of Business
Date: Sunday, September 25, 2016
Weather: Sunny, but Chilly and Windy; High 62 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
Yikes! It is suddenly very chilly here. I spent my entire day sitting at the dining table taking care of business and wearing a polar fleece jacket. It is a little hard to adjust to the sudden drop in temperature. But I was warm enough as I sat for most of the day sending out evite’s to friends to attend the October 4th celebration of life for Mark hosted by New Hampshire Public Radio (NHPR). I still have a few more people to contact, but the inviting is mostly done. Tomorrow I hope to talk to Scott McPherson at NHPR to touch basis about the program for the event. But today, it was cathartic to just sit here and work on the computer. So that made it an easy day. I took breaks to measure for the possibilities of buying a tool storage unit for the bedroom, to eat lunch, and later in the day to watch a little political news on MSNBC. I haven’t watched television news since Mark died, but it is now time to get back into the fray. I also had a long telephone conversation with Sam Weigel, Windbird’s new captain. I helped my next door neighbor, Kat (short for Katherine) move some IKEA boxes containing bookshelves into her apartment, and then finally, I gathered up things that belong to the Goldstones and took them to their house. When I got there, I heard someone blowing the conch shell. That usually means dinner is ready, but this evening it was Ollie learning to blow the conch. He did a great job. I tried and still can’t do it. There must be some ‘trick’ that I’m missing since a four year-old can do it quite well. It was time for dinner there, so I gave the boys kisses and snuck out quickly.
It is just about two weeks to the minute since Mark died in my arms. Life goes on, but it is very, very different and difficult. I just feel empty. But I’m looking forward to the arrival of most of my nieces and nephews from my side of the family this Friday. That will make for a lively weekend. Then I head to New Hampshire on Tuesday, October 4th, for the celebration of Mark’s life hosted by New Hampshire Public Radio. Windbird’s new owners, Sam and Dawn, think they are going to be able to fly in for that event, so that will give me one more thing to look forward to. In the meantime, I need to get photos and stories gathered for the New Hampshire Public Radio event. Working on that will help me move forward one baby step at a time.
by Judy Handley | Sep 24, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 43: Frustrating Day
Date: Saturday, September 24, 2016
Weather: Drastic Drop in Temperature; High 62 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
It was a frustrating day, even though it started out great. Lee, ME, and Steve arrived about 8:30 am and we headed to Heather’s house. They said their goodbyes to the Goldstones and then we were off for Logan Airport in Boston. It was wonderful having Mark’s family here with me this week and I will miss them so much. We said our farewells at the airport and then I headed home. That’s when the frustrations kicked in. I had planned a couple of shopping stops along the way. With a 20 degree drop in the temperature from yesterday to today, I was reminded that I don’t have regular shoes that fit me—only sandals. So I stopped at the South Shore Mall about 10 miles south of Boston to go to The Walking Company, the shoe store recommended by the podiatrist at Mass General. But that was a complete bust as they don’t carry shoes in wide sizes. That was the first frustration. Then I looked for a couple of other things and didn’t find those either. That was the second frustration. After three strikes, I left the mall and headed to Home Depot. I wanted to buy a big tool storage unit to put all of Mark’s tools in. But that was a bust as well as I had forgotten to measure the spot where I can put a tool storage unit and I decided eye-balling just wasn’t going to do it—third frustration. But there are two Home Depots within thirty minutes of here, so I can measure and go to one of those to get the unit. I did find the few things I was looking for at Costco (hurray) and then I was on the way home.
I had planned to spend the afternoon figuring out which bills are paid automatically through bill pay, and which ones need monthly approval. Mark did all of our finances, so I knew I would need to spend some time learning this system. What I didn’t expect to find is that I no longer have a checking account and that our entire online bill pay system has been cancelled. Heather and I spent time at the bank last week making sure this would not happen, but somehow it has. I was on the phone for a very long time as the phone representative needed to talk to her manager to see if there is any way to retrieve the information that was in the bill pay system. But after a long wait, the answer was no. She opened a new bill pay account for me. I can go ahead and try to add the information back in, but I don’t have account numbers for some things because we no longer get paper bill statements. But even if I can figure out how to get the information into Bill Pay, it will do no good at all until I have a checking account. First thing Monday morning, I will be at the bank to find out where the account and the money in it has gone. How frustrating. But I took a deep breath and headed to Olivia and Terry’s for dinner. We were celebrating Bruce Woodin’s birthday belatedly and Jane’s sister Ann’s birthday a couple of days early. Olivia cooked a great Indian dinner that was appreciated by all. So the beginning and the end of the day was great. The middle part I could have done without. But tomorrow is a new day. And hopefully one sans frustrations.
by Judy Handley | Sep 23, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 42: The Day After
Date: Friday, September 23, 2016
Weather: Mixed Sun and Clouds; High 80 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
The day after sending your soulmate’s ashes out to sea is the day when you start moving forward, one little baby step at a time. It was also a day with family and friends. Justin, Jo, and I got up at 5 am to get them ready for their return trip to Puerto Rico. After having them here for two weeks, it was very, very hard to see them drive away. But Coco and Ziggy need to return to school and Justin and Jo need to return to work. Things need to move back toward the normal. I had contacted friend Rick Smith to take them to the airport for their 10:45 am flight and I went back to bed for a bit. I got up for the second time at 8:30 to go with Lee to return the rental car. With Justin and Jo gone, we no longer needed two cars. At 9 am, ME, Lee, Steve, and myself met with Alan and Helaine Kanegsberg at Betsy’s Diner for breakfast. We all returned here and when the Kanesbergs left, the rest of us headed to Woods Hole for a little tour. The day flew by so quickly and mid-afternoon we took Mary Ellen home for a little nap while Steve, Lee, and I went to Heather’s to do a little backyard clean-up after last night’s celebration. We also took Chef Roland’s platters and bowls back to him. I came home for a short time to take care of some business issues and then at 5 pm, I went to Mariner’s Point to have happy hour with the Handley-French crew. We came back here for dinner that had been delivered by Bruce and Jane Woodin. They brought us a wonderful beef stew and it was so delightful to be able to just sit around and remanence about happy times we have spent together instead of having to cook dinner. Thank you, thank you to Bruce and Jane.
ME, Lee, and Steve fly back to Florida tomorrow. I have decided to drive them to Boston to the airport so that I can spend just a little more time with them. Once they are gone, I will have a week alone before some of my nieces and nephews fly in to visit next weekend. It is comforting to know that after a few days alone, I will once again be surrounded by family. Of course, I always have Heather, Jed, and boys, but it will be nice to have family staying here with me.
But the most important thing tonight is to get to bed a little earlier than I have been for the past few nights so I will have the energy for the drive to Boston. I’m going to do a little shopping on the way home and then go to dinner at Olivia and Terry White’s tomorrow night. Now is a time to be busy. After months of fighting with Mark for his life, always hoping for that miracle, but always knowing that eventually I would have to face the inevitable, I think for me it is best to stay busy for a time. Eventually I will slow down and reflect. But now is not that time for me.
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by Judy Handley | Sep 22, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 41: Celebration of Life for Mark
Date: Thursday, September 22, 2016
Weather: Sunny and Warm with Calm Seas; High 80 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
Today was a beautiful day in all ways. I was surrounded by perfect weather and loving family and friends as we headed out into the Vineyard Sound to send Mark’s ashes out to sea. We had one little glitch when one of the two engines on the boat wouldn’t start. But the captain just announced that we would have to move from the Islander to the Patriot Too. The Patriot Too is a smaller and slower boat, but it was dependable and we made it to Tarpaulin Cove. There we cut the engines and drifted while Olivia White led a beautiful memorial service. It was probably a bit long for the grandchildren, but they were all so good and patient. There were moments when I just couldn’t hold it together, but I just took a deep breath, looked at those beautiful grandchildren, and got those tears under control. Matthew Porat, son of friends Detta and Tom Porat, flew in from Utah, and he read a favorite poem of Mark’s by James Kavanaugh entitled, “There Are Men Too Gentle Too Live Among Wolves.” Mark’s brother and brother-in-law read remembrances from the Handley family, and my niece, Candice Todd, read part of letter she sent to Mark about a month ago that symbolized the way all of my nieces and nephews felt about Mark. Bruce Woodin read one of Mark’s favorite quotes from The Wind and the Willows by Kenneth Grahame: “There is nothing—absolutely nothing—half so much worth doing as just messing about in boats.” And Mark’s other favorite quote was printed on the back of a card given to everyone present. I’ll end the log with that quote, but first I’ll complete the description of today’s memorial. We ended with the song that Mark sang to his children and that we still sing to grandchildren today. That is “Simple Gifts”, a Shaker song. Matthew Porat played that on his violin as we sang along. While Matthew continued to play, Heather, Justin, and I dropped the packet of ashes off the back of the boat and everyone present threw over a long-stemmed yellow rose and a rock with a message written on it for Mark. The grandchildren distributed the rocks and permanent markers for people to write their message which gave them a purpose. And kids just love rocks, so that was a great recommendation of Olivia’s. I think the whole program worked nicely and I think Mark would have approved. Our oldest grandchild, Sam, requested that we record the latitude and longitude where the ashes were sent out to sea. I think it was Alan Kanegsberg who got the position from the captain–not sure about that. But the position I was given was:
Latitude 41 degrees 28.841 minutes N
Longitude 070 degrees 43.713 minutes W
When we got back to Falmouth Harbor, we all headed to Heather and Jed’s for what the caterer told me would be a ‘light’ dinner. Everyone had the same reaction. If that was ‘light’ we would hate to see ‘heavy’. There was way more food than we could eat but it was really delicious.
This log is probably making no sense. I am really tired. Justin, Jo, and kids leave at 6 am, so we are getting up at 5 o’clock in the morning! I sure am going to miss them, but I’d best get to bed so I can at least rally in the morning to say our farewells. Once they leave tomorrow and Mark’s family leaves on Saturday, I will have my first test at how I am going to react to life without my soulmate. He would want me to be strong, so I’ll give that my best effort.
by Judy Handley | Sep 21, 2016 | Life After Windbird 2016 |
Life After Windbird, Day 40: Red Sails at Night . . .
Date: Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Weather: Gorgeous Day, Great Sunset; High 78 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA
“Red sails at night, sailors’ delight.” This rhyme has been used by sailors for over two thousand years to predict the weather. So I was elated tonight when there was a red sky indicating that we will have a good day to be out on the water tomorrow for our celebration of Mark’s life. But today we were busy with a bit of getting ready. We will be out on the Islander for two hours in the afternoon tomorrow and then we will return to Heather and Jed’s for a light dinner provided by a local caterer. We needed to get serving tables and chairs set up in Heather’s backyard, buy miscellaneous items, and order some others. Steve, Mary Ellen, and Lee did the running and buying—drinks, napkins, silverware, etc., etc. I ran errands in the morning and then helped get the backyard set-up, went to buy some mums, and actually went out and did a little shopping for myself. Jo helped Heather and Jed so some house cleaning. After school, Justin and I took the Fab 5 to Mariner’s Point, the motel where ME, Lee, and Steve are staying, to swim in the outdoor pool. Then they treated us all to a fabulous pizza dinner while we watched that beautiful sunset. Mariner’s Point is adjacent to a huge field that runs all the way down to the water—a great place for kids. There are lots of picnic tables and the weather was just perfect for an evening dinner outside. A big thanks to Mary Ellen, Lee, and Steve for hosting us. Unfortunately Heather and Jed could not join us. Tonight was Meet Your Child’s Teacher night at East Falmouth Elementary. Heather is co-president of the PTO and had to be there to greet parents and invite them to become more involved in their child’s education by coming to PTO meetings. That left Jed to go meet Sam and Jonah’s teachers. We missed them but understand that they were doing the most “importanent” thing. “Importanent” was Justin’s way of saying important when he was a wee one and I still love that word.
I have been spoiled by having Justin, Jo, Ziggy, and Coco here for almost two weeks. It has not been the visit they were expecting, but it has been a blessing to me to have them here. They leave on Friday and I’m already trying to figure out when I can fly down to Puerto Rico to visit with them.
Now off to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a tough one. Thankfully I will have my family and many good friends here to support me. Tomorrow is the fall equinox, so as does the earth, I will be entering a new season without the love of my life. So hard.
