Life After Windbird, Day 51: Meeting Up with More Cousins in Boston
Date: Sunday, October 2, 2016
Weather: Cooler, Overcast with Mist; High 60 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA

Today was misty, not rainy, but it was still overcast and dreary. After a late night last night, we all got ourselves going with a high protein smoothie for breakfast and then headed to Boston. We met my nieces Lynn and Candi, plus Candi’s entire family, at historic Faneuil Hall and Quincy Market. Candi’s husband Char is a contractor and had to work this morning, but he broke away to come have lunch with us. Candi and Char’s two daughters, Amy and Katie, come to meet cousins they had never met before. And a third generation of cousins was added as Amy brought her daughter Grace and Katie and Mark brought Hailey. We had a great reunion and ate in Quincy Market.

After a round of photos and goodbyes, we parted and just the visiting cousins continued with a tour of parts of Boston. We walked down to the aquarium and took the ferry over to Charlestown where we toured the USS Constitution.


The world’s oldest commissioned warship is in drydock for repairs, but it was still possible to board and see this old beauty up close. We returned to downtown via ferry and then did a short driving tour through Chinatown, the theatre district, and around the Boston Commons before heading home. We had dinner at the British Beer Company here down by the beach, came back to the apartment to visit for a short time, and then we dispersed for what I hope will be a nice, long, restful night of sleep for all. Rex leaves at 9 am and the others head to Boston at 3 pm for evening flights home. We’ll do a little Woods Hole tour in the morning and maybe sit on the beach in the afternoon if it is really 70 degrees and sunny tomorrow.

Life After Windbird, Day 49: Bowling Birthday Party
Date: Saturday, October 1, 2016
Weather: Overcast with Rain; High 64 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA

Despite weather flight delays and getting lost a few times on the drive down from Boston, the ‘cousins’ arrived last night. There are six in all. My niece Janet (sister Patsy’s youngest daughter) and nephew Rex (sister Margie’s oldest son) are staying here with me. Marilou and Tommy (my brother Dickie’s oldest son) and Bill and Jennifer (my sister Patsy’s oldest daughter) are staying the nearby Falmouth Heights Motor Inn. They are all a very close-knit circle of friends as well as being cousins, and in the family we have always referred to the group of them as ‘the cousins.’

After breakfast, we all went over to Heather and Jed’s so the older cousins could meet the younger ones. When we arrived, we heard yells of delight from the backyard. There, in the rain, we witnessed a mud throwing battle. The boys had on only their shorts and they were having a great time throwing mud balls at one another. After the mud battle they came inside and entertained us. Then Tommy and Marilou went with Heather to Martha’s Vineyard where Heather was moderating a discussion on composting for the Vineyard’s Harvest Festival while Janet and Jennifer headed to downtown Falmouth to do a little shopping. That left Bill, Rex, and I to drive off-Cape to go to a Home Depot where I could buy the tool storage cabinet I have been wanting. This is the one that weighs 270 pounds, so we solicited in-store help to load the thing into the van (borrowed from Heather and Jed). When we got back to The Studio, we started dismantling the packaging so we could bolt on the rolling wheels. The idea was to roll the cabinet on the sidewalk down to our deck steps. We weren’t sure how we were doing to get the cabinet up the steps, but just then a neighbor came to us and offered to help. Hallelujah! The tool cabinet is now in the master bedroom and it looks great. The wooden table top makes it look like a piece of furniture. I am very happy to have this addition for storage.

At 6:30 pm, we all converged on The Lanes for an evening of bowling birthday fun. And fun it was. Appetizers and then dinner were served lane side and we really enjoyed the evening. As always with bowling, I ended up with the lowest score, but still it was great fun even for me. I think Heather really enjoyed the time visiting with her cousins and I know Sam, Jonah, and Ollie enjoyed the bowling.

When we got home, a small group of us sat up until almost 3 pm laughing and talking. Thus, this log is getting posted a day late.

Life After Windbird, Day 49: Happy Birthday to Heather
Date: Friday, September 30, 2016
Weather: Overcast with Rain; High 64 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA

Today my baby girl turned 41. She is a dynamo, constantly whirling in all directions to do everything she can to keep her professional life afloat while being the mom of three very active and involved little boys. I was a working mom as well, but I was never president of the PTO or a Scout leader. But busy as she is, today on her birthday, she was here all afternoon trying to get my bank billpay up and running again. All of the information was deleted after Mark’s death, so we are have to rebuild. Maybe writing checks each month would be easier for old-fashioned me, but both Heather and Justin are determined to keep me in the “new” world of finances. That is what their dad would have wanted, so I keep trying. Anyway, this was probably not what Heather really wanted to do on her birthday but she insisted and I do appreciate the help. We are celebrating Heather’s birthday tomorrow night with her cousins that are coming in for a weekend visit. So . . . Happy Birthday, Heather. But just be forewarned that the real celebration is still to come.

My nieces and nephews that are coming to visit this weekend are presently driving down from Boston. They are a little later than expected due to flight delays, but they should get here before midnight. We won’t have time to visit for long tonight, but we’ll make up for lost time tomorrow. They were looking forward to going to soccer games tomorrow, but with all this rain, I’m not sure soccer will go on tomorrow. However, it now looks like the rain is moving out earlier than expected, so we’ll just have to wait until in the morning to see if it is a ‘soccer Saturday’ or just a day to visit. But either way, I am looking forward to visiting with some of my favorite people in the whole wide world.

I did manage to get to the gym for an appointment with a trainer this morning. This consultation came as part of my $1 gym fee for the first month. Nice deal. But that took longer than I expected and all of the other errands I needed to do also took longer, so I didn’t get one big job done today. I was trying to get photos to New Hampshire Public Radio for a slide show for Tuesday night’s celebration. That just didn’t happen. So I’ll just have to take time out of tomorrow to get this done. Otherwise, I am ready for a weekend of visiting.

Life After Windbird, Day 48: The Fog is Lifting
Date: Thursday, September 29, 2016
Weather: Overcast and Windy; High 59 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA

Today I was more focused than I have been since Mark’s death. I feel like I have been in a fog and it is beginning to lift. So that’s a good thing. Scott McPherson called this morning from New Hampshire Public Radio to discuss details for next Tuesday’s Celebration of Life in Mark’s honor that they are hosting. When he asked if I had any special requests, I just said no. But as soon as I got off the phone, something clicked and I started thinking just a little more clearly. And all of a sudden I did think of things. I did spend most of my day pulling together photos for a slide show that will run in the background as people are visiting at the NHPR affair. This reminded me that I still had photos from September 12 on my camera waiting to be downloaded. This is very unlike me, so I did at least get the photos on my camera downloaded to my computer.

Heather and Jed invited me over for dinner and that was a wonderful diversion. I delivered new Adidas outfits for the boys as a Happy Fall present and they loved them. And Sam got to show off his new trumpet. He will be playing in the school band this year. I remember the year Justin got his trumpet. Such soothing sounds come from beginning trumpet players! I really enjoyed seeing the Goldpebbles and dinner was delicious. Evidently a virus has swept through their household this week and everyone but Heather has recovered. Tomorrow is her birthday, so sure hope she feels better quickly. We had post-dinner show this evening in the Goldstone’s front yard. A red-tailed hawk caught a squirrel and sat calmly on a tree limb right above us while we watched the him devour his dinner. We got very close to him, but it didn’t bother him one bit. It was quite the show.

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with a trainer at the gym and will then return home to complete the photo project. Heather is stopping by in the afternoon to help me with online banking and getting the new accounts into Quicken. Tomorrow evening there is a Jazz Stroll along Main Street, and weather permitting, I’ll meet Heather and gang to enjoy a little music and birthday desert. Then around 9 pm, my nieces and nephews arrive for a weekend visit. They are flying in from Nashville, TN, Charlotte, NC, and Charleston, WV. Unfortunately the weather this weekend is going to be rainy and overcast, especially on Saturday. But I’m sure we’ll find ways to enjoy our time together despite the weather. On Saturday night, there will be twelve of us headed to a bowling alley for a lane side birthday party while we bowl. Heather thought this would be something we could do that the boys would enjoy. I’m a terrible bowler, but it still sounds like fun.

Life After Windbird, Day 47: Crawling Forward
Date: Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Weather: Overcast, Rainy, and Windy; High 64 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA

I feel like I am crawling, but at least I am moving forward at a snail’s pace. The summer was so busy, but once school started I was no longer running Camp Oma for the Goldpebbles. So that slowed down life considerably. Thankfully Justin and family were here with me when Mark died, so I had two weeks with them. But now I am not only dealing with the loss of Mark, but also the void of activities with grandchildren and friends and family who came to visit. All of a sudden, I am suddenly alone. But not for long. Most of my nieces and nephews arrive on Friday night for a weekend visit. Then on Tuesday, I travel to Concord, New Hampshire, to attend New Hampshire Public Radio’s Celebration of Life in Mark’s honor. When I come home from that, there will be no more visits to look forward to. So I’ve decided that if I am still not able to move forward, I just might take off and go visit other people. On the other hand, I just might be ready to settle in and get involved in one of the many projects I haven’t had time for the past coupel of years. We’ll just have to see how I’m doing next week and I’ll make the decision then.

Today I joined the gym down the street and will start an exercise program on Friday when I meet with one of their trainers. I tackled a few more updates to information, one of them being car insurance. The American Express card I applied for yesterday was delivered by UPS today, and good friend Jane Woodin brought over a couple of pair of black slacks she was getting rid of. They happen to be my size and they fit just right. Thank you, Jane. I also received a pair of shoes I ordered and a couple of pair of pants. I think I can return the pants since the ones from Jane fit so nicely. I ordered more shoes on Amazon today, so it looks like I am going to have shoes and pants to wear. And this is a good thing!

Life After Windbird, Day 46: Credit Cards, Social Security, and Shopping
Date: Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Weather: Overcast and Warmer; High 71 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA

Life goes on. Today I tackled American Express, Social Security, and did a little shopping. Since Mark was the primary card holder for our credit cards, even though I was an authorized user and had my own cards with my own name on them, all of those have been cancelled. That happens automatically when a death certificate is issued. So little by little, I tackle another card and get a new one issued in my name. Today it was American Express. And then I called the local Social Security office to see where I could deliver our marriage license. If your spouse’s Social Security is higher than your own, you have to produce an official marriage license in order to apply to get the higher payment. So I did that and signed paperwork to have Mark’s September payment returned to me. That payment arrived in Mark’s bank account three days after he died, so the bank returned it. The Social Security folks were nice enough to tell me that the payment was for August and that it should have not been returned. They were very, very helpful and I really appreciated that. But then the frustrating aspects of today kicked in—shopping for shoes and a tool cabinet. I drove off-Cape to a DSW shoe store to try and find shoes in wide sizes, any kind of shoes, other than Teva sandals. Sandal weather is ending and I have to find some shoes—but not easy when you need wides. I totally struck out on shoes and the shopping for a tool cabinet at Home Depot. They had the storage unit I wanted, but it weighs 270 pounds and the box was so big that there was no way I could handle it. I’ll wait until my nephews are here this weekend and take them to help me transport that.

Justin called this evening when I got home from my shopping trip. He sent a couple of real time photos of Coco playing with the goats. So cute. It was wonderful to have them here for two weeks and I really miss them. So, Justin and Jo, keep those photos coming.

Life After Windbird, Day 45: Chiropractor to Presidential Debate
Date: Monday, September 26, 2016
Weather: Sunny and Cool; High 68 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA

My day started with a routine visit to the chiropractor . . . then clothes shopping for myself and for Heather for her upcoming birthday . . . on to the bank to straighten out accounts . . . oil change for the car . . . back home to deal with online banking and billpay changes . . . to Heather’s to play games with Ollie while the rest of the family was gone to Scouts . . . and finally, home to watch the debate. Tired. Time for bed.

Life After Windbird, Day 44: Taking Care of Business
Date: Sunday, September 25, 2016
Weather: Sunny, but Chilly and Windy; High 62 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA

Yikes! It is suddenly very chilly here. I spent my entire day sitting at the dining table taking care of business and wearing a polar fleece jacket. It is a little hard to adjust to the sudden drop in temperature. But I was warm enough as I sat for most of the day sending out evite’s to friends to attend the October 4th celebration of life for Mark hosted by New Hampshire Public Radio (NHPR). I still have a few more people to contact, but the inviting is mostly done. Tomorrow I hope to talk to Scott McPherson at NHPR to touch basis about the program for the event. But today, it was cathartic to just sit here and work on the computer. So that made it an easy day. I took breaks to measure for the possibilities of buying a tool storage unit for the bedroom, to eat lunch, and later in the day to watch a little political news on MSNBC. I haven’t watched television news since Mark died, but it is now time to get back into the fray. I also had a long telephone conversation with Sam Weigel, Windbird’s new captain. I helped my next door neighbor, Kat (short for Katherine) move some IKEA boxes containing bookshelves into her apartment, and then finally, I gathered up things that belong to the Goldstones and took them to their house. When I got there, I heard someone blowing the conch shell. That usually means dinner is ready, but this evening it was Ollie learning to blow the conch. He did a great job. I tried and still can’t do it. There must be some ‘trick’ that I’m missing since a four year-old can do it quite well. It was time for dinner there, so I gave the boys kisses and snuck out quickly.

It is just about two weeks to the minute since Mark died in my arms. Life goes on, but it is very, very different and difficult. I just feel empty. But I’m looking forward to the arrival of most of my nieces and nephews from my side of the family this Friday. That will make for a lively weekend. Then I head to New Hampshire on Tuesday, October 4th, for the celebration of Mark’s life hosted by New Hampshire Public Radio. Windbird’s new owners, Sam and Dawn, think they are going to be able to fly in for that event, so that will give me one more thing to look forward to. In the meantime, I need to get photos and stories gathered for the New Hampshire Public Radio event. Working on that will help me move forward one baby step at a time.

Life After Windbird, Day 43: Frustrating Day
Date: Saturday, September 24, 2016
Weather: Drastic Drop in Temperature; High 62 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA

It was a frustrating day, even though it started out great. Lee, ME, and Steve arrived about 8:30 am and we headed to Heather’s house. They said their goodbyes to the Goldstones and then we were off for Logan Airport in Boston. It was wonderful having Mark’s family here with me this week and I will miss them so much. We said our farewells at the airport and then I headed home. That’s when the frustrations kicked in. I had planned a couple of shopping stops along the way. With a 20 degree drop in the temperature from yesterday to today, I was reminded that I don’t have regular shoes that fit me—only sandals. So I stopped at the South Shore Mall about 10 miles south of Boston to go to The Walking Company, the shoe store recommended by the podiatrist at Mass General. But that was a complete bust as they don’t carry shoes in wide sizes. That was the first frustration. Then I looked for a couple of other things and didn’t find those either. That was the second frustration. After three strikes, I left the mall and headed to Home Depot. I wanted to buy a big tool storage unit to put all of Mark’s tools in. But that was a bust as well as I had forgotten to measure the spot where I can put a tool storage unit and I decided eye-balling just wasn’t going to do it—third frustration. But there are two Home Depots within thirty minutes of here, so I can measure and go to one of those to get the unit. I did find the few things I was looking for at Costco (hurray) and then I was on the way home.

I had planned to spend the afternoon figuring out which bills are paid automatically through bill pay, and which ones need monthly approval. Mark did all of our finances, so I knew I would need to spend some time learning this system. What I didn’t expect to find is that I no longer have a checking account and that our entire online bill pay system has been cancelled. Heather and I spent time at the bank last week making sure this would not happen, but somehow it has. I was on the phone for a very long time as the phone representative needed to talk to her manager to see if there is any way to retrieve the information that was in the bill pay system. But after a long wait, the answer was no. She opened a new bill pay account for me. I can go ahead and try to add the information back in, but I don’t have account numbers for some things because we no longer get paper bill statements. But even if I can figure out how to get the information into Bill Pay, it will do no good at all until I have a checking account. First thing Monday morning, I will be at the bank to find out where the account and the money in it has gone. How frustrating. But I took a deep breath and headed to Olivia and Terry’s for dinner. We were celebrating Bruce Woodin’s birthday belatedly and Jane’s sister Ann’s birthday a couple of days early. Olivia cooked a great Indian dinner that was appreciated by all. So the beginning and the end of the day was great. The middle part I could have done without. But tomorrow is a new day. And hopefully one sans frustrations.

Life After Windbird, Day 42: The Day After
Date: Friday, September 23, 2016
Weather: Mixed Sun and Clouds; High 80 degrees F
Location: At Home in The Studio #8, Falmouth, MA

The day after sending your soulmate’s ashes out to sea is the day when you start moving forward, one little baby step at a time. It was also a day with family and friends. Justin, Jo, and I got up at 5 am to get them ready for their return trip to Puerto Rico. After having them here for two weeks, it was very, very hard to see them drive away. But Coco and Ziggy need to return to school and Justin and Jo need to return to work. Things need to move back toward the normal. I had contacted friend Rick Smith to take them to the airport for their 10:45 am flight and I went back to bed for a bit. I got up for the second time at 8:30 to go with Lee to return the rental car. With Justin and Jo gone, we no longer needed two cars. At 9 am, ME, Lee, Steve, and myself met with Alan and Helaine Kanegsberg at Betsy’s Diner for breakfast. We all returned here and when the Kanesbergs left, the rest of us headed to Woods Hole for a little tour. The day flew by so quickly and mid-afternoon we took Mary Ellen home for a little nap while Steve, Lee, and I went to Heather’s to do a little backyard clean-up after last night’s celebration. We also took Chef Roland’s platters and bowls back to him. I came home for a short time to take care of some business issues and then at 5 pm, I went to Mariner’s Point to have happy hour with the Handley-French crew. We came back here for dinner that had been delivered by Bruce and Jane Woodin. They brought us a wonderful beef stew and it was so delightful to be able to just sit around and remanence about happy times we have spent together instead of having to cook dinner. Thank you, thank you to Bruce and Jane.

ME, Lee, and Steve fly back to Florida tomorrow. I have decided to drive them to Boston to the airport so that I can spend just a little more time with them. Once they are gone, I will have a week alone before some of my nieces and nephews fly in to visit next weekend. It is comforting to know that after a few days alone, I will once again be surrounded by family. Of course, I always have Heather, Jed, and boys, but it will be nice to have family staying here with me.

But the most important thing tonight is to get to bed a little earlier than I have been for the past few nights so I will have the energy for the drive to Boston. I’m going to do a little shopping on the way home and then go to dinner at Olivia and Terry White’s tomorrow night. Now is a time to be busy. After months of fighting with Mark for his life, always hoping for that miracle, but always knowing that eventually I would have to face the inevitable, I think for me it is best to stay busy for a time. Eventually I will slow down and reflect. But now is not that time for me.